Dear Davis,
It's been a very, very long time. And it's been nearly a year since I wrote to you, but less than that since I was thinking about the goals I have set myself. I think I understand now what people mean by not letting "life get in the way". I promise I went and volunteered at the shelter a few times before I got married. Marbles had passed away, an older lady and her husband adopted two polydactyl kittens. It was a litter of 4 or 5 the detail escapes me now. I saw Leslie#1 and Leslie #2 before I left. I woke up at 4:30 one morning to be at the shelter by 5am to send a dog to a rescue. I didn't say good-bye I'm not very good at it.
I will allow myself a moment to grieve. I do it quietly because I don't think I'm supposed to. I see how people treat animals and the abuse and abandonment and it makes me angry. Not at the world, just at people. People who hurt things just for their own pleasure.
I guess what I mean to say is I'm jealous. My cat died... or was killed I suppose though I can only talk about it if I say he died. He died or rather my dad and my brother, who scoured neighborhoods looking for him, found him. Tuesday night. I had to give a midterm speech on Wednesday morning. I was a mess. I didn't make it through our presentation. There was a service dog named "Lady" breed: pit bull. The type of breed that killed Tux. The person who knew her dog had killed my cat left him there... she didn't even bother to move him. Left him where he lay. My dad said it was 'clean'... his neck was broken. Everytime I saw the dog, heard its collar ring in class I thought of that until I couldn't take it and I left. Walked out. I stayed long enough to go to Math-- midterm-- I wrote "Sorry" on it and walked out. My professor followed and when he did I broke down and cried. I explained and I left. I went home and cried. I cried for the cat that came everytime, everytime I called his name. The cat who sat on my car roof when I drove in from a late class. The cat who hogged the foot of the bed. The cat who came home every night to sleep. The cat who... I still miss.
Thursday: We took him to be cremated. My dad made me let him pay because he said it was the last thing he could do for him.
I never went back to school Davis. I don't think that makes me a quitter. I think it makes me human. I picked up the remains on Saturday morning... the Saturday I got married. Justin went with me, I didn't cry but I had a lump in my throat so big it hurt, kind of like I have now.
I guess I just wanted to say that I made a big step and called the Sacramento Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals... I have orientation on June 2nd.
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